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I’ve often been asked how I “do it” with a husband who is away from home so much for work; how do I manage everyday life as a working mother to a young son, with virtually no family members living in our vicinity who could lend a hand if need be. I would just as often answer with the analogy of a military family, whose life circumstances I considered very similar: when one parent is required to leave for long periods of time to serve our country, the other parent must figure out how to “do it” and often- just like me- has no family nearby to help. But at some point I realized that this was not a fair analogy to make.
 
My husband served our country as a Marine and has frequently expressed that, as civilians, even on our most difficult days during his absences they are still not as difficult as what some military families must endure. My husband’s current career offers no viable threats to his life. Though I do of course worry while he is away, I don’t worry about one day receiving a knock at the front door that he won’t be returning home. And I don’t worry about him returning home unable to perform basic life functions because of injuries he has sustained while at work. So, I figure out how to “just do it” because even on my worst day, it doesn’t come close to being the worst.
 
For the spouses and children of our military men and women who have been grievously wounded or killed during active duty, life has irreparably changed. They must now rise from above the rubble and rebuild without the person who, more times than not, had been their family’s architect and foreman.
 
I learned today, Memorial Day, that The University of Memphis has become the first institution of higher learning in the nation to help these families in their rebuilding efforts by offering FREE tuition to any student or spouse (not remarried) whose parent and partner has fallen or become severely injured in the line of duty. The university will, beginning next school year, accept the Folds of Honor scholarship given to these students as payment-in-full. They will also be assisted in finding other scholarships to meet their various needs and will not be required to pay the university a cent for their education.
 
“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” – John 15:13
 
And even greater a love that he lay down his life for strangers, complete strangers like you and me who reap the benefits every day of the sacrifices these families have made. I am proud to live in a city whose namesake university has recognized these most selfless acts and has said, through their actions: we see you, we salute you, and we honor you. Above all, we thank you.

C.J. Kirkland Is a freelance writer currently based in Memphis, TN.
Call (310) 871-4720 or email cj@cjkirkland.com
Photo credit: @uofmemphis Instagram (2017, September 11)

by CJ Kirkland

Rome wasn’t built in a day. Neither was the Great Pyramid of Giza nor our capacity to withstand hardships and recover from the harshest of losses. As Ronan Tynan states in his latest keynote, “resilience is not a trait we are all born with.” It is the repeated action of getting up after we’ve been knocked down, reassessing methods after ours have fallen short, and permitting others to guide us when we’ve lost our way that builds a capacity for resilience which will permeate all areas of our life. Nothing and no one with the ability to withstand devastating circumstances is built overnight: the journey to establishing resilience, in both life and work, requires patience- lots of it- and when, not if, you fall along the way there are numerous factors already at work to help you stand to your feet and continue onward.

Find Your Tribe
Not everyone needs to, or will, believe in the goals you have laid out so find those who do and allow them to be the load-bearing part of your vision when your hands and heart grow tired. Failures and tragedies are taxing yet without either, resilience cannot be built. Tynan repeatedly experienced both throughout his life, growing stronger with each setback. For him this tenacity was manifested at an early age by two people who truly believed: his parents. He shares, “it is well known that my parents instilled in me a tremendous belief that enabled me to reach heights far beyond what I could ever have dreamed of doing.” But what happens when we believe yet the failures persist? How do we keep our head above water when the rip currents of life have completely exhausted us? We must reach out to others for help.

Rely on Your Team
Building resilience sometimes means admitting we are approaching our threshold and cannot proceed without the help of our team. “Resilient people don’t do it alone; life is not a solo flight,” we learn from Tynan, who has had to lean on others at crucial points along his journey. It can be difficult to let go when a history of successes, due in large part because we held on, dictates this as faulty logic. However, if we can learn to let go and allow our team members to take on tasks they are fully capable of completing, our reserves are strengthened so that when we are once again faced with difficulties there is a sufficient resilience for us to address them all. Letting go also means discarding preconceived notions about how things should have turned out and accepting that there now must be another way.

Changing Your Perspective
“I made up my mind if I could not change the scene I could change the way I acted in it,” writes Tynan. Self pity and strength cannot coexist: there is always a battle between the two and we must consciously choose the winner. Making that choice is part of building resilience. Rarely does anything, in our personal lives or business endeavors, go exactly as planned. Sometimes the resulting implosion can knock us so far off route that we are tempted to sit on the sidelines indefinitely. Don’t. Or if you must rest to regain balance, get up as quickly as possible. The more you fight self pity, the stronger you become; the stronger you become, the more resilience you’ll have stored away for next time. When scenarios appear unlikely to change in our favor, changing our perspective can open up channels of creativity to help us somehow make it work. As a character said recently on one of television’s most critically acclaimed shows, This Is Us, “…you took the sourest lemon that life has to offer and turned it into something resembling lemonade.”

Take Your Eyes Off of You
An increased capacity for resilience is tied to the speed of recovery: how quickly that which is broken can be fixed. Sometimes this process is aided when we take our eyes off the problems beleaguering us and focus instead on the positive achievements of those around us. It is similar to the notion that a child’s scraped knee appears to heal much slower when he becomes preoccupied with the wound as opposed to diverting his energies elsewhere and nearly forgetting it even exists. In challenging situations when you have done all you can do, sometimes the only thing left to do is walk away for a while to expedite the healing. Tynan encourages us to “show people how proud you are of what they have done or achieved in their work environment or home. Even through adversity, project the magical power you see in people.” When we give there is so much more we receive in return, beyond the tangible. Offering a compliment, words of encouragement, or manpower in the completion of someone else’s project, builds up our reservoirs of kindness and compassion. Giving, even when we feel our storehouse of goodwill has been depleted, expands our hearts and creates the necessary room for resilience to grow.

Find The Laughter
A New York Times article titled “In Downturn, Americans Flock to the Movies” states that though research on the subject is “scant,” the reality is when the economy tanks, attendance at entertainment venues rises. “It’s not rocket science,” explains Martin Kaplan, the Norman Lear Professor of Entertainment, Media and Society at University of Southern California Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism. He asserts, “People want to forget their troubles, and they want to be with other people.” ‘Want to build up your resilience? Place yourself in the company of other people, preferably other people who can make you laugh. Yes, your problems will still be there after the laughter has faded but your spirit will be strengthened and your mind most certainly will have the clarity needed to continue facing your adversity. In his speech Tynan expresses gratitude for the laughter his best friend brought into his life, teaching us through his own anecdotes: “A shared sense of humor is one thing that will allow continual victory when faced with the biggest challenges in life.”

Keep Taking Risks
If you don’t push the boundaries you will never discover your true strength, which most of us grossly underestimate, especially in times of hardship. When one idea fails, try another. If a proposal is rejected, go back to the drawing board. Risk most certainly entails rejection yet resilience is made stronger with each rejection faced head-on. Tynan references the many risks he’s taken throughout his life, despite the odds against him, lending to a continually-strengthened resilience of the Summer Paralympics gold medalist and world record holder, physician, and classical singer who has performed at several United States presidential events. Imploring that we never give up, Tynan most appropriately quotes Sir Winston Churchill: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”  And your capacity for resilience will most certainly be built.
To learn more about resilience keynote speaker Ronan Tynan, contact Executive Speakers Bureau at (901) 754-9404 or visit www.executivespeakers.com.

by CJ Kirkland

As we approached 2018, our society experienced a shift in consciousness which materialized in numerous movements against personal, community, social and workplace injustices, including the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements. More people than ever before were speaking out against the injustices committed both publicly and privately by some in positions of power. Those who once felt powerless to speak now felt an urgency to have their voices heard, despite looming threats of personal and professional ruin. But even before this shift took place, before we collectively agreed that speaking truth should not be rewarded by shame, there were some who had already begun sharing their stories. They were courageous in the face of unrelenting fear, speaking out against injustices even while knowing that in doing so they might lose everything they have. Attempts to quiet them only made their voices stronger and today they remain sought-after speakers, continuing to evoke change in a world they have fought so hard to transform. Executive Speakers Bureau is proud to represent some of these most brave and daring speakers whose sacrifices have brought us to the place we are today.

Anita Hill
After receiving her J.D. from Yale University, Anita Hill began her law career in private practice before moving into a position at the U.S. Department of Education and Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. She went on to become the first tenured African American professor at the University of Oklahoma, College of Law and yet all of these professional accolades would not be what ultimately made her a household name. Hill’s name and face would become instantly recognizable as those associated with the fight against sexual harassment in the workplace when she publicly testified against her former boss, Supreme Court judge Clarence Thomas, during his confirmation hearings. She is currently Of Counsel at Cohen Milstein and advises on class action workplace discrimination cases.

Elizabeth Smart
Elizabeth Smart has used her life’s most harrowing experience to give a voice to so many others who, unfortunately, have gone through similar pain. She was abducted from her home at the age of fourteen and spent nine months in captivity before being rescued by police during one of the most publicly followed child-abduction cases ever.  Smart has helped in nation-wide efforts to fight crimes against children, including going before Congress in support of the AMBER Alert system and contributing to the U.S. Department of Justice book You’re Not Alone.

Lynn Brewer
In a male-dominated work environment at what was once North America’s largest seller of natural gas, Lynn Brewer risked both her reputation and livelihood by becoming, as The Economist calls her, “the real Enron whistleblower.” She is the author of Confessions of an Enron Executive: A Whistleblower’s Story in which she discusses her tenure at Enron Corporation, an energy company that was at one point rated the most innovative large company in America before its collapse. She continues to speak out against ethical misconduct and workplace injustice, advocating for corporate integrity at every level and in 2003 earned a “Woman of Influence” award nomination.

Erin Brockovich
Despite no formal law education, environmental activist Erin Brockovich was instrumental in a lawsuit against the Pacific Gas and Electric Company (PG&E) of California that in 1996 resulted in a $333 million settlement against the company, the largest sum ever paid in a direct-action lawsuit in the United States. Her relentless pursuit for justice in not only this case but many others that followed has earned Brockovich global recognition for her efforts, including the Academy Award-nominated feature film Erin Brockovich. She continues to fight for community and environmental justice through her work as president of Brockovich Research and Consulting and director of environmental research at Masry & Vititoe.

Dr. Bernice King
Last week, on the 33rd annual observance of Martin Luther King Day, the world watched as Dr. Bernice King spoke from the pulpit of Ebenezer Baptist Church, the church where her father the late Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. served as co-pastor and where, in 1968, his funeral was held.  She “called for a peaceful revolution…to do 50 acts of service and kindness between now and the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.’s assassination in April.” Her words are reflective of the community and social activism she has embraced while building upon the legacy which her father and mother, Coretta Scott King, firmly established before their deaths. Considered by many to be profoundly gifted, creative and courageous, King has been speaking since she was 17 years old, delivering messages that urge us to examine how we, too, might make a difference in others’ lives.

Once our eyes have been opened to the injustices that have taken place around us it is impossible to “unopen” them. Lives and reputations have been put on the line so that we can all work and thrive in environments conducive to creativity and growth, free of harassment and feared backlash when such harassment is spoken out against. We see those faces of the movement, brave women- and men- who have come forward to shed light on changes that must be made, yet are also aware that behind the scenes there even more who are standing up for what is right and guiding the trajectory of personal and corporate transformation. We are proud to represent these change makers, too, whose work shows how far we’ve come and the continued progress we seek.

Pamela Meyer
With a bestselling book, Liespotting: Proven Techniques to Detect Deception, and a TED talk (How to Spot a Liar) that has been viewed millions of times, Pamela Meyer is considered one of the country’s leading experts on the science of deception.  Her techniques are critical to business leaders who want to maintain a fair and ethical workplace by helping them to identify truth and focus in on crucial facts which lead to better “negotiating, selling, protecting and interviewing.”

Bruce Weinstein
Dr. Bruce Weinstein, “The Ethics Guy”, is an immensely sought-after speaker whose presentations on the power of personal character have been shared with clients such as the National Football League, Blue Cross/Blue Shield, and Northrop Grumman. He writes an online column for Fortune magazine that is published twice a week and has been a guest on NBC’s Today Show and ABC’s Good Morning America, among many others. Weinstein, who asserts that “character is the missing link to excellence”, remains consistently in high demand, a welcomed indication that leaders are listening and seeking positive ways to engage in both the conversation and corrective actions pertaining to today’s movements against injustices.

Susan Scott
Change begins with conversation and best-selling author Susan Scott understands the magnitude of change such conversation can bring about. Her book Fierce Conversations-Achieving Success at Work and in Life, One Conversation at a Time, has been published in four countries and was one of USA Today’s top 40 business books of 2009. For more than two decades now Scott has been “challenging people to say the things that can’t be said” and empowering executives with the tools needed for “vibrant dialogue with one another, with their employees, and with their customers.” She has worked with leaders in eighteen countries, establishing herself as a force in the movement towards positive change in the workplace.
For more information on these courageous speakers and business ethics speakers and more, contact Executive Speakers Bureau at (901) 754-9404.

I sat on my bedroom floor and cried, wishing that the world would just pause so that I could catch my breath before having to face it again. This was after my friend and neighbor assured me there is much more good in the world than not, and after I read Psalm 30, desperately seeking confirmation of her words: “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning…” I wasn’t sure how any joy would follow the nights Puerto Rico, Barbuda, the British and United States Virgin Islands, the Bahamas, Mexico and now Las Vegas have endured. I could not see how weeping would give way to joy after the destruction that has been caused recently not only by “acts of God” but acts of men.
 
The heinous attack on our fellow human beings in Las Vegas was the most unimaginable culmination to a week during which I have seen the ugliest displayed in and against humankind. It was the final straw that broke me down after social media showed me over these past few days that the production titled “Let’s Agree to Disagree” is now played out with scenes of degradation, insult, and personal attacks on one’s character. It showed me that the line “we don’t have to like each other but we should at least respect each other” has been erased from the scripts some hold in their hands and replaced with words I dare not repeat here. I could not see past the pain of those being attacked long enough to catch any glimpses of joy. But it was still morning.
 
My phone’s beep alerted me that I had a new message: there’d be a tour of Clayborn Temple in a few hours and, if available, I was welcome to join. A short while later I stood in front of this historic structure where Memphis’ sanitation workers gathered in 1968 before the start of their solidarity march. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. visited the church numerous times and it was a place known for its compassion towards and safe-keeping of those involved in the Civil Rights Movement. It was here where the “I Am A Man” signs were distributed, images of which are now synonymous with the movement. Yet despite its rich history and significance to Memphis and the world, the church fell into disrepair until a group of Memphians determined they could not and would not allow this sacred place to fall.
 
I stood on the sidewalk with native Memphian Deondra Henderson, who left New York to return home and help rebuild that which was once neglected but in which lies so much potential. I stood with developer Rob Thompson whose enthusiasm and eagerness to see Clayborn Temple rise from the ashes is almost as passionate as his desire that whatever is done be an honorable reflection of the people who gathered here, and who perhaps recited Psalm 30 more times than I ever will in my lifetime. Allison Carson, cityCURRENT’s Communications Director and Johnny Pitts, founder of cityCURRENT, stood on that sidewalk too, brainstorming on how Clayborn Temple’s restoration could be realized because the impact of its rebirth will be immeasurable. “We have to make sure this happens” Pitts said in a soft-spoken, authoritative voice; a reminder, for me, that the sanctity of this place cannot be suppressed.
 
I was also reminded, shortly after the tour ended, of my three year anniversary as contributing writer to cityCURRENT. In stark contrast to my other experience with it this past week, social media showed me (via an “On This Day” post) that the past three years have been filled with stories showcasing the most beautiful in mankind, culminating (for now) with a conversation in front of Clayborn Temple between a diverse group of people who have chosen to stick to a script made famous by our beloved Dr. King, an excerpt of which is:
 
“This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope.”
 
Thank you, cityCURRENT Team, for all of the joy you’ve sent my way. 

For the first time this past Sunday we visited Calvary Episcopal Church in downtown Memphis. My son got a bit timid when it came time to walk up the aisle with the other children en route to Children’s Church. To no avail I tried to convince him that there was nothing to fear; then the gentleman who had greeted us at the door walked over. He held his hand out and said to Luke, “Come. I’ll walk with you.” Luke glanced at me, I smiled at him, and he placed his small hand in the palm of the large hand that had been extended for him to grasp. Together they walked up the aisle and in that moment fear was overcome by a gesture of love.

In that moment, through my eyes, I saw a manifestation of the new Memphis in one of Memphis’ oldest buildings.

A small, smooth brown hand that hasn’t yet labored very much in this world firmly held on to the large, weathered white hand filled with the stories and wisdom gathered from its many years of labor. A boy with just half a decade on this earth walked alongside a man whose life spans tens of decades. They are from different cities, different generations, different ancestries, yet in these differences I understood the depth and importance of what there was to learn.

Over the past few weeks I’ve read numerous articles that make reference to the “New Memphis.” It is inferred to be new because of the large number of millennials now living in the city and they are infusing their new ideals, new ways of doing things, new approaches and solutions to old problems.

I love it. Who doesn’t love “new”?! As a GenXer, there are days I secretly wish I were a millennial and wouldn’t have to spend so much time learning all of this “new” that is basically second-nature to them. Yet as I watched my son and the gentleman from Calvary boldly go forth without fear, I hoped that as we embrace New Memphis, we would understand that new cannot exist without old.

While we GenXers, many of whom are raising Boomlets, admire (sometimes even envy) all that a millennial embodies, we still look to the wisdom and example of the Baby Boomers and the Silent Generation to help us navigate this oft-puzzling map called life. It may appear we don’t have very much in common, but commonality is more than the color of one’s skin, the year of one’s birth, the lineage of one’s family. Commonality can be found in the gesture of extending a hand and understanding that beneath the surface we all battle the same fears and all long for the same reassurances that if given a chance, we can win the battle.

Welcome to the New Memphis.
C.J. Kirkland Is a freelance writer currently based in Memphis, TN.
Call (310) 871-4720 or email cj@cjkirkland.com

Maybe the best time to quit is when late-payment notices outnumber the “Thank you for your payment” slips. Or when those whom you hold in highest esteem repeatedly ask that you please consider getting a real job and start pursuing a career worthwhile.
 
Perhaps the best time to quit is when you’ve grown tired of fear lurking over your shoulders:
Fear of never achieving the success for which you have sacrificed so much.
Fear of losing it all after having finally made some progress.
 
I assume the best time to quit is when you begin to feel enough years have lapsed during which you’ve put off vacations, delayed making “special” purchases and tried to convince yourself that being a true artist means truly embracing pauperism.  
 
I’ve wanted to quit many times. I actually did quit sometimes.  But being married to an eternal optimist (though he would argue he’s a realist) meant there was never enough fuel to flame my pity parties so eventually they fizzled and I got back to work.
 
And so now we spend our days doing what we most love to do and actually make money doing it. We live in beautiful homes and are able to provide for our son much of what we never had growing up. There are times I look around and still can’t fully comprehend how we got from there to here, other than to consider two pressing things:
 
He never quit which meant WE never quit.
 
“There but for the grace of God go I.”

CJ

While working out this morning Beyoncé’s song “Irreplaceable” came on. I always think about my friend Tonia when it plays because this is the last song to which she and I danced. With our arms raised and index fingers pointed high in the air, we swayed back and forth on the side of the road at Smith’s Point Fish Fry in Freeport, Bahamas.
 
“You must not know ‘bout me, you must not know ‘bout me,” we belted out to the unsuspecting passersby, nearly falling over from laughter (us, not them!) Less than two years later my friend was gone.
 
I can’t say she lost her life to cancer. I say instead that cancer is the vehicle God used, even if inexplicably so, to get a head start on spending an eternity with one of his favorites.
 
In some ways, we didn’t know ‘bout you, Tonia. We didn’t know the incredible strength you bore within, a strength that had steadily grown with each unfair and unkind hand you had been dealt. It is what made you laugh at my cheesy jokes when Claudine and I visited you, even as you lay there in excruciating pain. To be honest, I didn’t know what else to do other than what you and I did so well: make each other laugh.
 
Some of us didn’t know that the reason you externalized your hurt so boldly is because you internalized so deeply the love that you felt for those around you. For all of us, in all circumstances and in all things, hindsight is 20/20. For some of us the perfect vision of who you really were, and are, manifested only after you could no longer be seen.
 
Even today, Tonia, I see your smile and hear your voice, “you must not know ‘bout me…” My sweet friend, in many ways we didn’t know. But we know now. 
We miss you.
I miss you.
You’re irreplaceable.

Sometimes I weep. It used to be a source of shame for me until two words finally helped me conquer that self-condemnation.
 
Jesus Wept.
 
I weep because my best friend has to beat this cancer. There are a few things we’ve put on OUR Bucket List over the past twenty years that haven’t yet materialized. I am certain we are supposed to see Hillsong perform live in Australia before we’re too old to look cool at a Christian rock concert.
 
I weep because my husband has to get his Golden Globe. Or Oscar. Or whatever big industry award awaits him after he’s landed his dream role. Because the magnitude of the sacrifice determines the magnitude of the reward and I don’t know anyone else, personally, who has sacrificed so very much. We are still discussing whether or not he’ll do a back flip on stage.
 
I have explained to my son that the tears he sometimes sees are Happy Tears. I cannot believe for miraculous healing with a sorrowful heart and I cannot believe for miraculous breakthroughs with a bitter soul.
 
So sometimes I weep but after all these years I have finally found the Happy in those tears.

CJ

Dear Moms,

Apologies sometimes don’t come easy for me so please forgive that it has taken me this long.

I’m sorry for being that person who looked at you with the Eyes of Fire when I saw you sitting with your baby in the airport terminal, awaiting our flight. While chatting away on my mobile phone the pleasant, laughter-filled conversation was interjected with the bitter “Ugh, I hope that woman and her baby are not seated next to me on the plane.” I gave you the Stare of Death as you walked down the narrow airplane aisle juggling baby, diaper bag and carry on, my blood pressure rising as I prayed that you would not sit next to me on this flight of unassigned seating.

How self-centered of me.

I’m sorry for telling the person standing behind me in line at the grocery store that you needed a lesson in Disciplining Kids because you sure were sucking at it right now. All I needed to do was pay for my three items and go about my busy day. But here I was stuck behind you, your child throwing a tantrum because he couldn’t have one of the dozen chocolate bars strategically placed at check-out for our enjoyment. “Is it really that hard for her to control her kid?” I asked the stranger behind me. “What that kid needs is a good old-fashioned whooping!” I exclaimed. The stranger and I nodded our heads in agreement, as if we were practicing for a synchronized swimming team. “In fact, if that were my kid, he would surely not behave that way because I’d know how to discipline my kid.” The stranger and I would chuckle and puff our chests out just a little more, confident that we were better people than you, confident that we would make better parents than you.

How asinine of me.

Please accept my apologies for being the person who summed up your entire parenting philosophy and implementation of such based on the two hour interaction I’d just had with you and your child at our mutual friend’s birthday party.  In between sips of wine I rehearsed all of the child psychologists I studied in college and tried to decide which would be of most help to you. And when your child had a meltdown towards the end of the evening, I rolled my eyes so hard they nearly got stuck in the back of my head. “Did she seriously bring her kid to this party? Is her kid seriously disrupting the party right now? Aargh. You know, I’ll just attend Adults Only parties because having kids at parties is insane. This is for the birds.”

How judgmental of me.

From the deepest parts of my heart, I am sorry for always saying how superior So-and-So’s child was to yours. So-and-So’s daughter would never scream in public. So-and-So’s son would never writhe around on the floor of Target after being denied a toy. So-and-So’s son would never wrestle with another boy over a stupid little toy truck when there are five others scattered about. So-and-So’s daughter would have been able to sit on the sofa, for hours, entertaining herself while the adults around her enjoyed themselves at the birthday party. So-and-So’s son would never, ever do anything that would set my eyes on fire, force me to dust off my child psychology books, or ponder attending a party at which children would be present. Because So-and-So’s child is perfect. At least he was during the 480 minutes I spent with him this year, so obviously he’s also that way during the other 525,469 minutes.

How illogical of me.

You Moms would often tell me that there are some things I just won’t “get” until I become a Mom, too. You were right. It was not until I became a Mom that I realized how self-centered, asinine, judgmental and illogical my frame of thinking had been towards those of you with children. I had no idea of how hard you worked at trying to be the best Mom you could be. It never occurred to me that your blood pressure rose even higher than mine when you boarded an airplane, or that you had already read gazillions of child psychology books- and still had not mastered defeating the onset of a toddler tantrum in Target. I never imagined how many tears you shed in the privacy of your home after being told by someone how perfect So-and-So’s child is and how, perhaps, you could learn from So-and-So about how to parent the right way.

In closing, I want to throw in a very personal apology to someone whom I love and admire tremendously, particularly as a Mom. Nikky, do you remember when we were on our way to the store and I made you turn the van around and take me back home because the twins were crying? I saw the frustration in your face as you tried to calm them. I saw the slight tremor in your hands as you pulled out toys and snacks, reaching for anything you could as you tried to soothe them. I didn’t even offer to help because I was too wrapped up in Me and my so-called agony. I am sorry. Forgive me for my lack of compassion. Forgive me for my lack of understanding and lack in even trying to understand. I know better, now. Because now, I am a Mom, too. 

It is a place where people can add you to their lives as friends without really being your friend. The neighbor who rarely speaks to you can be vocal in your life by clicking the Like button- or not.  It is a mecca for those who have mastered the art of being passive-aggressive: their status updates filled with reprimand for The Person Who Shall Remain Unnamed.  Photos and posts are made Public so that the extraordinary life being detailed can reach beyond the circle of Friends and Friends of Friends. Then, she logs off and sobs into the very hands which moments earlier had written of a life that could not possibly warrant sobbing of this kind. Broken hearts and spirits are masked by re-postings of captions set against graphics that exclaim “I don’t give a f*#k,” “I don’t need anyone but me” and “I can do bad all by myself.” I Check-In with friends at establishments that were once beyond our reach while singing the catchy Drake loop, “Started from the bottom now we’re here; started from the bottom now the whole team’s here.” But you may mistake my gratitude for arrogance because emotion cannot be conveyed through black words against a white computer screen. You’d have to look into my eyes and listen to the inflection in my voice to understand just how low our bottom was and just how much these Check-Ins really mean. Your birthday is celebrated more at this place than any other. You awaken on the Big Day to hundreds of well-wishes that quell any negative thoughts you may have had about getting old. Sorry, older. It is a place where dreams are shared, encouraged and followed until they are realized. And though it’s easy to stay here, sometimes it’s good to leave. You can always come back.

CJ